Insecurities of a Working Mother

This article was way to important for me, had been waiting to write it down way before I even started thinking about blogging, yet this one took me the longest time maybe I am way too close to this topic and was continuously in search of the right tone to write about it. I wanted to be so perfect that somehow I was loosing my inner voice and true emotions. So today, I decided to let go of all apprehensions and write my heart out…
So this article may offend a few people, or may have grammatical errors, syntax can be wrong but I am sure you will get the semantics.
I had emotionally rough pregnancy definitely not the cinematic version that I had imagined since my child hood it was way worse…somehow it passed and as Kabbir was born my worst nightmare began (which I can tell you all maybe in my next blog post). The Japa, the breastfeeding, the inconsolable new born crying his lungs out along with continuous pressure from the in laws to breastfeed the new born even when I was unable to feed due to lack of breast milk and what not. The time where I needed much support from my family, my husband was not allowed in our bedroom even to help me with the baby. First two months were a complete nightmare, I still get jitters thinking about. Yet somehow I always thought I will be able to catch some breathe as soon as I will join the Office. I loved my work what better job you can have than conceptualizing mobile apps, drafting their requirements and being the bridge between designers and developers to generate a product.
Three months passed and I was supposed to join then came the debate: maternity leave for 3 or 6 months??? The guilt of leaving my new born had set in & I extended the leave for 3 months which my office was quite welcoming they gave me content job to work on from home so that I remain connected to them.
But , even if the leave was for 6 months I was not sure I can go to office without being guilty about it?
And i was right.
We often see our clock as a measure for judging a parent, How much time do we spent with our kids is usually the measure of how good the parent we are.
The more time spent the better!
I went to office once a week, but that one day was not just full of guilt but was also accompanied by my fears. We often say we left our job or gave up working for our kids or our kids “needed” us but with years I have understood it is not our kids that needed us but we needed to be in a guilt free zone where we are not labeled as moms that chose their career before their kids or we wanted to be that “perfect” mom which everyone is gushing about.
No doubt we need help nobody cannot be perfect juggling two full time jobs (one being a mother, other being your career) at once but then too I feared that the help might not be perfect, I tried to make up for whatever I could do before going to work even though I had help, I feared somebody else putting stuff in my kids head which might end up making me a “bad” mom.
 I remember that time clearly this was the biggest low point of my life. I had low self-esteem & lacked confidence for the longest time. I thought about home when I was at the office and felt I was not giving my best at the office while I was at home with my baby. The feeling of doing everything and achieving everything took a toll on me I was hyper, anxious, confused, tired and angry the whole time, which took a toll on my health too.
Even though I had a maid I still bathed my kid, prepared his food, sterilized his bottles, boiled the water for his formula milk did every possible thing before even the maid came, and even took care of my house duties so that my mil or sometimes my nosey neighbors could not pin point anything. I was always trying to compensate my absence and be what others may call as a Super Mom!
It took me the longest time to realize how important it is to do what was right for me and my family and these people that I was so concerned about had opinion even after doing almost EVERYTHING.
Such feeling of insecurity is a more common sight than I thought when my peers and friends went through the same phase.
Common questions that came in my mind:
1.       Will my child forget me?
2.       Will he be more closer to his caregiver ?
The answer is only this,
A mother will always be a mother period!
This is what every working mother needs to know:
1.     People might call you bad mumma or people might put something in your child brain about you but you will always be his mother no one else can take your place. And we need to understand kids can adjust to any situation we put them in. It is us that need to feel secure within our skin and have our priorities straight, one more thing we should not be afraid to ask/ demand for support as raising a kid can be a job for village.
Do not forget to ask for help!
2.   I know motherhood can be overwhelming but we need to understand nobody can be perfect. Pregnancy, nursing can drain last bit of energy, we don’t need anything more to worry about. We just need to be more perceptive, a messy home is just a messy home.
Stop being critical to yourself 
and
Give yourself more credit for what you do
 

3. Talk or reach out to other moms, this has definitely put me at a better place knowing I was not alone we all may have different paths to walk, different stories to tell but we have one common thing,

we love our children and want best for them.
 

4. Clock is not or cannot be the measure for judging a parent. It is just a myth, the more you spent time with your kids more the better. We obviously need to spend time interacting with our kids and make that count. A housewife can be doing chores while kids can be playing a video game. I felt when I was at the office even for 4-5 hours I was always eager to get back home and felt much closer to my kids than being at home 24*7 with him,

Clock cannot be the measure to judge a parent.

5. And after leaving my job I even started craving for adult company too, the only social life that I have is/was through the social media I have my accounts
on.

So go ahead have a girls night!
So working mothers stop trying to compensate and start enjoying your life. Be comfortable and pride yourself for giving a shot at motherhood along with your career. Remember only a few has mastered this art and you are One Of Them.
Enjoy your Imperfections.
Xoxoxo
-That Imperfect Mom

 

Something for our favorite Little Pipal

Brand Review: The Pipal- Personalised solutions for kids.

The Pipal lets you shop for unique Personalized Products, Gifts & Accessories . They have an amazing product range includes nursery and room décor, personalized towels and many more items for infants, toddlers and adults.
 
This is one kids brand that is personally so close to my heart. As I have seen The Pipal grow through years. I first saw their website when my son was born and I was looking for the bumper for my baby’s cot. The website at that time was very raw with few functionality issues and very little designs ( this was about 4 and a half years back), but that time too I was so impressed with the designs , big bright colored motifs and personalization options offered by this kids brand.
 
 
Since then my son has used most of their collection be it their Jungle Themed Cot Bumper, or his first Diaper Bag, then came the time when my son became a big super-hero fan, here too The Pipal came to our rescue with their Super-hero Hooded Cape.
 
Now years have passed, my son has grown so has The Pipal.
 
 
So many designs, themes and personalization items to choose from…
and now they have even introduced collection for adults too!!!
 
Their complete range includes bedding for new borns, nursery décor, bathing & bedding solutions, bags/ backpacks for kids and other personalized accessories.
 
Now, in a few days Kabbir(my son) will be stepping into new phase of his life as he starts his main school and we ( kabbir and me) have already set ur eyes upon their new “Back to School Collection” where we are confused between the superhero or monster truck theme.
 
The Pipal has grown its collection from Baby Essentials to … Gifts for kids to…Home Décor shop forAdults.
 

Mommy Vedict:

This is one online shop where I can just close my eyes and order without doubting the quality. Their attention to every detail that goes into finishing the product is what that makes me crazy for these products and I reach for their website everytime I need something for my baby and within an affordable range.
 
Ps: Do not miss their All Weather Junior Backpack Combo.

 

 – That Imperfect Mom

Mommy with a Bun

Dropping your kids to school or stepping out to do your daily chores, you see her…
Tying her Frizzy Hair in a Bun.
Spot her, help her. She might be slipping away.
Tell her you have been in the same boat and ALL WILL BE WELL.
(Pic Courtesy: Google)
Tell her to start believing her mother instincts and it’s time to enjoy her imperfections. Ask her to take time for herself, Mommy needs to be mothered once in a while.
Hire a Nanny for a day, or take help from your spouse we all know motherhood can be very exhausting. Take a Break once in a while, soak your feet wet in a long bubble bath.
(Pic Courtesy: Google)
Yah we know when the kid is asleep you have a whole load of work to be accomplished. You need to clean the house, do the laundry, keep the toys away, go to the loo blah blah blah…but the house is clean enough to raise a healthy kid. Somethings can wait but when your child is up you will have to be that Mom again.
Learn to “Let Go”, Don’t be “Paranoid
Let the kids be kids…
They will hurt themselves when they will play,
They will eat as and when they wish,
They will fall sick once in a while
You running after them ALWAYS, will not help anyone. Stop getting paranoid, it is not your Fault.
Let the world Speak
People will have opinions how you should raise YOUR kids. No one can stop them from keeping an opinion (well everybody is bound to have one).
 But yes, you can stop listening to every single one of them. Trust your Instincts.
(Pic Courtesy: Google)
These are the few words which every Mom needs to be reminded in time again & again. They brought change to my life, I am sure can help others too. Next time you see a Mom with the Frizzy Bun, you know she needs your help to accept her Imperfections.
We all moms need to stand and look out for each other.
Leave a comment if you Agree with me
-That Imperfect Mom
 

 

Mumma Thinks I Am His Servant -The Importance of Household Chores

This was not a big thing at first, but more I thought about it…. I was Hurt!

kids tantrums
courtesy: Google
We as moms try again and again to make lives of our kids perfect, we try to fulfill their wishes to the best of our abilities but as a parent, sometimes it seems like our day is filled with an endless stream of backtalk from your kids.
My kid is just 4, being the youngest and the first born in a Big Fat Indian Joint Family he is a pampered one and I am the sole person who sees they do not go overboard with it. So basically, I am the bad Guy (mom’s usually are).
I am very particular about asking him to carry out the tasks that I feel he is perfectly capable of doing, like: keeping his toys away after he is done playing, keeps his shoes at the proper place, fetches his own glass of water etc.
But always felt somehow he was small to carry out tasks for others. Whenever someone asks him to fetch water me being the supermom I tend to be comes to his rescue, tumbling over…running… falling… reaching out before he even gets up.  At first he used to try to do some of the chores, but after a while he knew unlike the Gotham city which signals Batman for help his so called Super Mom is keeping his vigilant watch over him and will rescue him Everyday Everytime.
One night we were about to sleep I casually asked Kabbir, to call our lovely pet dog to sleep on her bed. He got up went straight to his Chachu(uncle) and started crying “Mumma thinks I am his servant”.
At first I saw his adorable innocent little face and consoled him. “Mumma just asked you to do one little thing, don’t worry I will do it.”
But that night I could not stop thinking about how he reacted, what I asked was not something out of his league?
When I do stuff for my family does that make me a SERVANT?
 Or
This is actually what my kid thinks of me?
 It hit me that whatever we do for kids is out of love not that we are supposed to do it.
But does he know this?
Next two days went by…
Third day I knew what I needed to do, I set up a chore chart for him. When he called out for me I simply stopped everything, told him to have a seat and talked to him. I made him realize that we live in a house and enjoy the goods of household during this process we need to carry out house chores or help each other to do the house jobs this is what being a part of a family is all about , if I do things on your behalf does not make me your servant? it is out of love, compassion and mumma wants to share your work load which you may do sometimes when you see your mum is tired.
mom disciplining kids
Courtesy: Google

 

So get up and start doing your daily chores and helping your mom a bit.

During the coming days I saw the change and realized chores are an important part of kids life just as much as homework, sports or anything else going on in their life.
We modern  parents of India often think we need to raise a boy compassionate and kind but we tend to over-indulge by doing too much for our children and do not expect enough of them, we forget doing chores gives a child the opportunity to give back to their parents for all we do for them. Kids begin to see themselves as important contributors to the family and teach children to respect and be responsible.
At the end I have shared a list of age appropriate chores for toddlers and kids till the age of 5. We mothers might feel it as inappropriate or feel a bit harsh but seriously I have seen changes at my home and would recommend it to fellow moms, do give it a try.
Do not jump in to help yourchild at the slightest hint of a struggle, let him learn and grow.

Here’s a chore chart which you can use or create similar one.

Courtesy: New York Times 

 

-That Imperfect Mom